Halloween is right around the corner, and you know what that means – the once a year opportunity to dress up as your favorite character. Or, at least , a more provocative version of them. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good Halloween costume when I see one, but sometimes I feel like I’m sitting in on a Playboy photo shoot as I’m walking through the halls on Halloween.

One of the most popular Halloween costume choices among the female population seems to be a cat – but not just any old household cat. No, these cats are equipped with short skirts, revealing shirts (or bustiers if you’re feelin’ fancy), high heels, fishnet tights and lots and lots of makeup.

I’ve seen quite a few cats in my day, and I can assure you that none of them have looked like this. Sure, maybe Hugh Hefner’s pet kitten could get away with that look, but here in the everyday world, that costume is nothing but a catastrophe.

So, ladies, as you depart for your evening of trick-or-treating and costume parties, take one last look at yourself in the mirror. You have one night to make yourself into something you’re not. Is that really what you want to be? A scandalous kitty cat who will probably end up freezing to death because her body isn’t covered up enough to withstand the Chicago weather?

I know some of you may be surprised to hear this, but Halloween is not an excuse to wear as little clothing as possible. But don’t you worry, I have some suggestions that might help you wrap your head around this troublesome concept.

Why not dress up as your favorite comic book superhero? All you need are tights, a cape and perfectly sculpted abs. Or what about Howard from The Big Bang Theory? Brightly colored skinny jeans, striped turtlenecks and imprints of your mom’s lipstick on your cheeks seems like a good way to go. Or maybe you could even get a few of your friends in on the fun and you could all go together as the Blue Man Group? The world is full of great ideas.