As the effects of climate change worsen around the world, an unlikely contingency has emerged to encourage legislators to take action. Several prominent supervillains have taken a stand against climate change. Voldemort from the Harry Potter books, the Red Skull from Marvel Studios’ Captain America: The First Avenger, Sauron from The Lord of the Rings film trilogy, and other evildoers are banding together to form a new lobbying group, Supervillains Opposed to Climate Change (S.O.C.C.).
“It’s quite simple,” explained the Joker, a DC Comics supervillain who is the treasurer for S.O.C.C. “Climate change is creating ever more frequent and devastating droughts, hurricanes, pandemics, and other natural disasters. These stand to cause millions of dollars’ worth of damage and thousands of deaths. How can you devastate the world with a weather-control ray when climate change will just do it by itself?! Mother Nature is cutting into our business!”
Other villains are motivated by more practical concerns.
“It’s fairly clear that I wouldn’t last long in a hurricane,” Voldemort said. “I mean, look at me! I’m all thin and sickly! I’d just blow right away!”
Though it is new to the political scene, S.O.C.C. has already developed a vast pool of resources.
“PACs are so much easier to fund when you can just rob banks!” the Joker said. As a result, S.O.C.C. has been off to a tremendously successful start. North Star News has found ties between the group and multiple members of Congress.
“I was expecting to have to use some vampire hypnosis on people,” admitted Count Dracula, a vampire who gained prominence in 1897 as the subject of a biography by Irish author Bram Stoker. “But instead, all you have to do is take a meeting with a politician, offer them a decently large donation, and they’ll do whatever you want! No hypnosis needed! Oh, I love American democracy.”
S.O.C.C. still faces obstacles. For example, there are some supervillains who are against action to mitigate climate change, notably The Simpsons’ soulless plutocrat C. Montgomery Burns.
“The world?” Burns asked. “Pooh! Why should I care what becomes of this paltry little orb? When Earth has run out of resources to plunder and people to enslave, I can simply relocate to another world and start over there! I even stole a spaceship from some green octopus aliens I met yesterday.”
Other critics contest that S.O.C.C.’s use of bribery is undemocratic.
“Well, I am literally a fascist,” the Red Skull said in a statement. “You kind of have to assume democracy isn’t high on my list of priorities.”
By all appearances, S.O.C.C. is poised to remain an influential force in Washington. Despite its traditionally liberal environmental concerns, the organization is trending towards the right on other issues, such as gun control. Dr. Claw, a S.O.C.C. member and the leader of the controversial organization M.A.D., referred to a potential upcoming partnership with the NRA.
“We’re both very interested in how Stand Your Ground laws apply to death rays,” Claw said.
