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An inmate at Lockemup McEatkey Penitentiary saw her 30-year sentence ended early yesterday, after several months of displaying behavior which prison officials characterized as “very demure, very mindful.” 

Brea Miuderarde, 45, had specifically impressed prison officials with her makeup, which consisted of an overlaying of concealer beneath healthy dabbings of blush and a smidge of eyeliner, lipstick and contour. 

“Most of our prisoners will show up for morning head-count with a green cut crease, but not Brea,” recalled Josh Von Addlepate, who supervises the recreation yard at the facility. “She doesn’t look like a clown while she walks around a gravel square, enclosed with high white marble walls and barbed wire, in a bright orange jumpsuit.” 

Donita Kake, a cook at the prison, agreed with Addlepate. “Brea is very modest, very mindful of why they convicted her. Prison isn’t a fashion show, but it’s not a soup kitchen,” she said while ladling out soup in the prison kitchen. 

Brian Cloddigan, the prison warden, authorized the commutation.

“Of course I’m gonna reward someone for following the example of transfemme TikTok sensation Jools Lebron!,” Cloddigan said while obsessively watching TikTok videos. “She’s like my queen, oh my God, you guys, I love her so much.” 

When asked what Miuderarde’s offense had been to receive such a lengthy sentence in the first place, the warden replied, “First-degree homicide. Why?”