While you may think that the perfect gift for your best buds are those zebra Pillow Pet and fuzzy slipper combos, think again! Check out some holiday essentials that every high schooler will appreciate according to grade.
Freshmen
- Bigger backpacks to reduce the chance of backpack bulge and love handles
- A clue (get it?)
- Stilts (to look taller)
- Megaphones to have a chance at actually winning the spirit stick
- The ability to walk faster than .0005 mph in the hallways during passing periods
Sophomores
- A social life, since this is virtually the only year you’ll have time for one
- An antidote for your annoyingness
- The gift of appreciation since this is the last year that you won’t be a sleep-deprived, stressed-out zombie
Juniors
- Some sort of drug that compensates for the utter lack of sleep you’re experiencing. Coffee ain’t potent enough.
- A hug every now and then.
- A three-point increase in your ACT score.
- A soothing cactus to keep you company during all-nighters.
Seniors
- A low dosage of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder medication to help get over the long-term effects of junior year trauma.
- Anger management classes to help some of the sen13ors get over losing the spirit stick to the jun14iors at the fall pep assembly.
- Time machines so that y’all can actually submit college apps before deadlines and not have to sacrifice your grades in the process.
- An accountant and pot of gold to help pay for the next four years.
- A towel so that you can “throw it in” and give up on second semester.
A collaboration with Ethan Brown
Maya • Dec 19, 2012 at 9:59 am
So perfect! I really need that junior hug though.
Alina • Dec 19, 2012 at 8:59 am
This is actually the best gift guide I’ve ever seen.