Hey seniors! Guess what the date is? Not November 1st! Wooooooh! I’m glad that we’ve all jumped that hurdle together; that’s one milestone we’ve reached, and one more thing that solidifies our sen13ority (need to shove a 13 in there somewhere, right?). Now that most of the Early Action/Early Decision mania is over (except for you Nov. 15th suckers), it’s time to relax. But don’t get too comfortable—here are some more things that we still have to put up with/things that imply our impending doom. Yay!

•Actually getting into college

•Not failing high school
•Dealing with underclassmen walking in the hallways
•underclassmen in general (those little squirts are everywhere)
•high school
•PROM DRAMA
•the apocalypse
•high school
•that portion of our grade that you never want to see again (this is subjective)
•high school
•the January deadlines
•senioritis
•the increasing ratchetivity of Niles North
•high school

BUT NO MATTER WHAT, IT’S STILL SENIOR YEAR, RIGHT? WE HAVE TO ENJOY THIS FUN YEAR OF FUN WHERE WE HAVE FUN AND LOVE EACH OTHER AND CHERISH OUR HIGH SCHOOL YEARS, YEAH?

Right, so I’m not really feeling that.

Where is the liberating feeling of fulfillment that senior year’s supposed to bring? Where are the bucketloads of endless fun that I was promised? Why is this year so darn difficult? Why are we not spontaneously breaking out in dance in the hallways? Where is my super hot and intelligent boyfriend? Why, after four years, do I still hate all of you?

The delusions of a false reality created by the destructive minds behind High School Musical 3 need to be shanked. Honestly. This year is actually driving me insane. Like repeatedly-slamming-a-roll-of-toilet-paper-on-the-wall insane (true story). This year has squeezed most of the life out of me and left me disheartened. I’m more cynical than I’ve ever been. I’m sick of everything. On the bright side, that has turned me into a more proactive person; I’ve started to seriously put my future plans into action.

So… here is the rest of my life:

•stock up on Michael Cera movies and eat my feelings
•buy lots and lots of baggy sweatshirts
•continue eating my feelings
•become a cat lady
•get a cat so I’m not a catless cat lady
•get another cat
•get a goldfish (I <3 diversity)
•possibly participate in no-shave November?
•write angsty poetry
•hibernate

So uh, if anyone wants to join me…my cats and I welcome all.